


Fractured

by theIdeaOfLove



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Childhood Trauma, F/F, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nicole Haught Needs A Hug, Nicole has a dark past, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WynHaught - Freeform, what happened when Waverly went to the Garden
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 12:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25849435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIdeaOfLove/pseuds/theIdeaOfLove
Summary: When you find that one person who connects you to the world, you become someone different, someone better. When that person is taken from you, what do you become then? ---John Reese, Person of InterestSet after Waverly was taken to the garden and Nicole is left behind by the one person who makes her better. Fractured soul, missing memories, the dark past that was sealed away when Waverly showed up in her life, what will Nicole become now?sort of canon-compliant but with a made-up backstory for Nicole and Waverly
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 18
Kudos: 75





	1. Waking up without you

The piercing sound of her ringtone is what woke Nicole up. She reaches out to the nightstand and picks up her phone, her other hand instinctively reaches to the other side of the bed. She is startled by the coldness for a second and she is harshly reminded with the fact that Waverly is gone. Nicole takes a deep breath to calm down the heartbeat that has again started beating erratically in her chest. She looks at the caller ID and sees “Nedley” on her screen and swipes to pick up the phone.

“Hey Nedley.” Nicole is surprised to hear how hoarse her voice is.

“Nicole, how’s it going? How are you feeling?”Nedley sounds almost timid on the phone. Nicole knows he is trying to pretend that everything is normal and trying not to hurt Nicole anymore. But Nicole knows deep down that nothing will be the same anymore, not without Waverly in her life.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better.”Nicole lets out a weak laugh and spells out yet another white lie. She doesn’t know if they both know that she is not telling the truth, but she just doesn’t have the energy to care anymore. 

“I’m just sleeping a lot. You know, just slipping in and out of dreams and stuff. But I guess I need the rest anyway, so it’s probably not a bad thing.” Nicole looks at the clock that is reading 11 o’clock and pinches her nose bridge. She hasn’t slept past 9 for a long time now and she really needs to readjust if she still wants to go back to her job.

“Oh, well, you probably do need the rest. I bet you haven’t had a good night’s rest since...well, you know what I mean. Anyways, I just call to remind you that you have an appointment with the department shrink today, so just don’t forget to show up.”

Nicole puts her palm against her forehead in an attempt to try and calm down the piercing headache she is starting to develop, “Right, I almost forgot about that. Thanks, Nedley.”

“No worries, kid. And uhmm….Nicole...You know that ...Waverly would probably want you to move on with…”

“I should probably get up and get ready for that appointment. Anyways, thanks for checking in and I will talk to you soon. Bye Nedley.” Nicole interrupts Nedley’s ‘moving on’ speech and hangs up the phone without Nedley’s response. Her logic tells her that every word he said is valid, but there is just a part of her that is hurting too much to move on, or to even hear Waverly’s name.

Nicole gets up and walks to the bathroom. She stares at her reflection in the mirror: hair disheveled, the two dark circles around her eyes despite her long sleep, and the paler than usual skin. She splashes ice cold water on her face and through the water droplets, she looks at the reflection in the mirror and slowly whispers:

“Waverly is… gone.”

* * *

It takes all of Nicole’s strength to stop the tear from falling from her eyes and she takes another deep breath. She has been doing this ritual every single morning since Waverly was sucked into that staircase to who knows where to try and normalize her new reality, the one without Waverly in it. But it doesn’t get any easier, everytime she mutters this statement, her heart is on the verge of breaking and she doesn’t know if she will ever be okay with this new life. 

She walks out of the bathroom and into her living room. Calamity Jane is still napping comfortably on the couch, like nothing has changed. Her eyebrows frown as she sees a stack of pancakes with a cup of soymilk on the table. _Who the hell made her breakfast?_ Nicole walks toward the dining table and takes a bite out of one of the pancakes: it’s vegan, just like Waverly’s favorite. Her frown deepens at the thought of Waverly. 

_Must be Wynonna_ , she thought. Wynonna is the only other person who knows Waverly’s favorite breakfast, which has also recently become Nicole’s favorite since Waverly forced her to eat it every single morning when she stayed with Nicole and it kinda grew on her in the process. Besides, doing something good for Nicole and not mentioning it because she hates any gushy emotions is just classic Wynonna. 

Nicole lets out a tiny smile and eats the pancakes by herself. The silence is really deafening because if Waverly were here, she would usually talk Nicole’s ears off about some random facts that she found browsing the news or whatever gossip that is happening in Purgatory. 

Waverly was like Nicole’s sun. She dragged Nicole out of that dark abyss bit by bit, until Nicole became used to bathing in the warmth of the sunshine. Waverly made Nicole pack her dark past into a box and locked it with her smile and her laughter. So now that Waverly is gone, what will Nicole become? Will that darkness from her past and her soul slowly creep back up and consume her bit by bit?

At this thought, the pancakes suddenly became unbearable as Nicole throws her fork back down. She buries her face in her palms to stop herself from another panic attack. As her heart rate slowly goes back to normal, Nicole stands up and grabs her car keys to leave for her appointment with the psychiatrist.


	2. The Stark Reminder of You

Chapter 2  
Nicole sits on the comfortable sofa in the psychiatrist’s office. To be honest, with the tight budget that is constantly downsizing the department, she would think that they won’t have enough money to hire a shrink. But, there she is, sitting across from her. Nicole squints her eyes a bit to read the small plaque sitting on the shrink’s desk. _Samatha Hoffman, PhD_. To be fair, the doc is a very attractive woman with blond hair and bright blue eyes. And judging by the amount of certificates and awards on the wall behind her, a smart one, too. _Just like her Waverly._ Nicole’s heart twitches as this thought and she clears her throat to distract the doctor from being able to tell what is going on in her mind. 

“So Nicole, right? Nedley told me a lot of great things about you. He even mentioned you were supposed to be sheriff if not for what it happened.” Dr. Hoffman gives a polite smile. 

“Yeah.”Nicole raises her eyebrow and lets out a weak smile, “Listen, Dr. Hoffman. I’m just here to get assessed so that I can go back to my job. So let’s just cut the chase here, alright?”

“Woah, easy there. I know you cops are always the “protect the rest of the world but not yourself” type. But just lying to get through the assessment won’t do anyone any good. Plus, the department has booked a couple sessions for you. So might as well to let me try and help you out, alright?”

Nicole lets out a sigh, _why does this doctor have to be the one responsible doctor out there?_ But after a few moments, Nicole nods and gives in because she knows with the state she is in right now, she is just going to blow it if she goes back to work.

“Okay, good. Let’s start by acknowledging the fact that what you went through was definitely traumatic---to have someone very close and important disappear on you. So it is normal if you are experiencing some form of PTSD. Do you want to start by telling me about your relationship with Waverly?”

“Well, that’s kind of a long story. We sort of grew up together. She and her family took me in when I was at a very bad place. And she became my girlfriend when we both graduated university and came back to Purgatory. And she didn’t just disappear on me like your file probably say, she….” _was taken by mysterious plant up to a garden._ But Nicole doesn’t finish the sentence, she knows that would just make her seem crazy and even lessen her chance of going back to the job, “nevermind… But she is the best thing that has happened to me. And to have her disappear from my life, it’s like having my whole entire world just taken away from me.”

Dr. Hoffman scribbles a few words down on her notebook and looks up. It looks like she wants to say something but refrained from doing so. Instead, she asks, “How are your sleeping? Are you getting enough rest?”

“The first couple of days I just couldn’t close my eyes without seeing her, but the last couple of days, I have been sleeping longer and longer. This morning, I slept until 11 o’clock. I don’t know if it’s good or bad.”

“Did you dream a lot?”

“Yeah.”

“About what?”

“About… her…” She subconsciously touches her knuckles with her other hand, and realizes there are some bruises forming. She frowns a little bit and wonders when she got those bruises from.

“Are you alright?” Dr.Hoffman’s voice startles Nicole and she hides her hand under the desk.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nicole forces out a smile.

“So these dreams, are they nightmares?”

“Sometimes. But most other times, they are good memories from back when me and Waverly are still kids.”

“What do you feel when you are dreaming?”

Nicole pauses for a second, and ducks her head. “Well, like I kind of don’t want to wake up from these dreams.”

Dr.Hoffman stops the scribbling and looks up with that complicated look again. 

“Nicole….”

“Well, Doc. I’m feeling a bit tired. Do you think that’s enough for today?”

The doctor sighs and puts down her notebook. She knows if the patient doesn’t want to talk, there is no point in keeping them there. 

“Sure. I’ll see you in a couple of days.” 

Nicole returns a polite smile and stands up to leave when the doctor interrupts her, “and Nicole, just remember that wherever Waverly is, she would want you to be happy and…”

“And move on, right?” Nicole turns on her heels and faces the doctor. “Is it the catchphrase of the day or something? Why does everyone keep saying the same thing to me?”

The doctor doesn’t say anything in response. But she does frown at the hint of anger in Nicole’s voice.

* * *

On her way out, she said hi to Nedley who is dealing with some cases at his desk. When she asked him about it, he mentioned some vigilante has taken up the crime-stopping business and a drug dealer was beaten up quite severely last night after the vigilante caught him in the act. 

“I guess the town just is a breeding ground for weird shit,” Nedley jokingly said, “First is Wynonna and your gang with the supernatural shit, now is some vigilante business that you only see on TV.”

Nicole again frowns a bit as she caresses her knuckles but says nothing. She said bye to Nedley and left the station.

Her eyes squint subconsciously at the bright sunshine outside as she takes in the unique air of Purgatory winter. 

Purgatory has been such a town that always seems quite big to Nicole, because of the vast ice fields and the mysterious forests that no one knows everything about. But it is also a very small town at the same time because everything seems to have something to do with Waverly as they slowly painted each shop, each trail with their own colors. 

The shop at the end of the road sells Waverly’s favorite vegan ice cream; Purgatory high marks Nicole and Waverly’s brightest and most carefree days; The amusement park is plastered with Nicole’s screams on the rides and Waverly’s smiles on her side; The couch in Nedley’s office marks the place they shared their first kiss… … 

The whole town is marked by Waverly and Nicole can’t seem to escape anywhere. 

And herself… She used to be Waverly’s girlfriend, the one that made Waverly laugh, the one that protects Waverly… but without Waverly, who even is she anymore?

Nicole feels the urge to throw up as she pulls over to the side of the road. She pulls open the door and rushes outside. The cold air fills her lungs as she kneels down on the side of the road. Up ahead, Waverly’s jeep still parks in front of the homestead like nothing has happened. But everyone knows nothing will be the same anymore. 

Nicole remembers that time when she first got Waverly back from the goo possession, Waverly was lying in her lap when she sat up straight and looked at Nicole with a serious expression. She said,

“Nicole, if one day, one of us is no longer around, the other one has to take care of them self.”

At that time Nicole immediately put her hand on Waverly’s mouth to tell her to stop talking about these stupid things that is never going to happen.

She remembers herself saying, “Wherever you are going, I am going with you. You are never getting rid of me, Waverly.”

They always thought they had all the time in the world, little did she know, love never did warm up the cold heart of destiny. 

And at the end of the day, Nicole still lost her Waverly.


	3. Losing My Happy Ending

Chapter 3

[Dear Mother:

I turned 13 today, this means, it has been 13 years since I took away your life.

This journal is a birthday gift from a girl that I met the other day. Her name is Waverly and she may be the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I was crying on the street after father came home drunk, again. You know how he gets when he drinks too much. Anyways, a girl approached me with a rabbit doll hugged close to her and touched my shoulder.

She gave me a smile that looked like it belonged to an angel. She told me if I want, I can go home with her and live with her sister. We talked a lot that day and I learned that like me, she came from a broken home with her father dead and her mother missing. She told me that despite all that, she was happy because she still had a sister called Wynonna, who loves and takes care of her. I was jealous for a second because I never felt loved in my whole life. But when she made that offer, I also felt something I have never felt before. I felt hope ---- a hope for a better and a more whole life. 

Is that even possible for someone as broken as me?

I know I have sinned the day that I entered this world, because I took your life. But I didn’t mean it. You know that, right?

I remember father once told me, “You already took away so much when you took her away from my life, so you have to remember that you will always owe me.” I understand that, so I have always tried to be good and put on a smile no matter what he did to me.  
But what if I had a new life, what if I had some people in my life that loved me? You would want that, right, mother? Because I know that even though we never really met, you would always be the person that loved me the most.  
Anyways, that is all I want to say and I hope you can read this somehow.

I miss you.]

Nicole sits on the couch as she slowly reads through her own handwriting in the pale blue diaries that she has kept for the past 15 years. It has been a while since she opened the older entries because of the dark place that she was in when she wrote these words. She still remembers the day Waverly brought her the diaries as her 13th birthday present like it was yesterday. 

She hadn’t moved in with the Earps yet at that time. She remembers young Waverly knocking on her door on that day. Nicole’s father was again nowhere to be found. She never celebrated her birthday because of its double meaning but when Waverly showed up with two giant bags and a huge smile that day, Nicole felt her heart flutter. 

“Happy Birthday, Nicole!”Waverly screamed as she pulled Nicole in for a hug. Nicole felt her body tensed for a second because of the unfamiliar sensation of someone hugging her but she soon relaxed and felt a smile forming on her face.  
The two girls enjoyed the chocolate cake Waverly made at home when Waverly pulled out a pretty big box and gave it to Nicole. Nicole looked surprised as she opened the first ever birthday present with shaking hands. Inside was a journal with pale blue cover and Nicole was a bit confused.

“I have the same journals at home, but they are pink, instead. They say that writing things down can help you process stuff. It helped me with what happened to Daddy and Willa, so it probably will help you, too. You will receive a journal every year on your birthday, and only I know where to buy this type of journal. So if you want to keep writing, we have to celebrate your birthday together. Promise?” Young Waverly held out her pinky to Nicole.

Nicole smiled and held out her pinky, as well. Both girls laughed as they pinky promised. Right there, a promise was made that completely changed Nicole’s life. 

But this year, the promise that they have both kept for the last 15 years is bound to be broken. And Nicole’s tears fell with this thought. 

A text notification pulls Nicole back from her memories as she wipes the tears from her face. 

_“HAUGHT STUFF! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??”-----Wynonna_

Nicole suddenly remembers that she agreed to meet with Wynonna a couple days ago but with everything going on, she completely forgot about it. She swears under her breath as she hurries to get dressed to go out.

* * *

Nicole finds Wynonna in the regular spot at Pussy Willows. The loud music in the background worsens Nicole’s headache as she pounds on the back of her head to attempt to make it go away. She waves at Wynonna and attracts her attention as she raises her bottle to her. Nicole points at the exit to signal her if she wants to talk outside because this music is killing her. Wynonna shrugs her shoulder, and in a clear Wynonna fashion, takes her bottle of alcohol and walks wobbly toward Nicole. 

They sat on the front of Wynonna’s pick up truck as they both stare out to the skyline. There doesn’t seem to be any visible changes to Wynonna since Waverly’s disappearance. She still drinks every day and with the revenants gone and the curse broken, her days just seem longer and more boring. But underneath this carefree facade, Nicole knows Wynonna is hurting just as much as she is. She knows how much Waverly means to Wynonna and losing her baby girl must have broken this woman as well. 

“You know, Waverly proposed to me the day she disappeared.” Nicole is the one who broke the silence.

“Oh wow. Guess my baby girl finally found a keeper, huh? You better said yes to her.” Wynonna stares at Nicole with slightly drunk eyes.

“Well, I didn’t have time to reply before shit hit the fan. But I would have said yes.”

There is a long period of silence after Nicole said this. They both wonder what would happen if Waverly stayed with Nicole that day. Would she still be here? Would they start planning for their wedding that day? Would they finally find their happy ever after?

“I’m sorry, Haught. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to save her that day. You know I would trade for her to be here with my life without second thought.” Wynonna sounds like she is about to cry.

“It’s OK, Wynonna. I don’t blame you. I really don’t. Without you guys, I would probably have died 15 years ago. Even if I never get her back, I’m still glad I got to share the last 15 years with her. I guess I have always just been living on borrowed time, and whoever is up there just doesn’t think I deserve a happy ending.”

Wynonna hugs her right then and she says to her ear, “We will get her back.” 

She keeps repeating it like a chant, and Nicole believes her. Because if she doesn’t have that hope, she doesn’t know what is left.


	4. Nyctophobia

Chapter 4  
Nicole still remembers the day she moved into the Earp homestead.

She just turned 14 at the time and had just survived the massacre that claimed her father’s life.

To be honest, she doesn’t remember much about the day that it happened. She remembers going to the music festival that is just outside of Purgatory with her father who has always been a fan of the loud music played at these events. Nicole, on the other hand, had never enjoyed places that are loud and chaotic. Her headache always seems to worsen in these environments. So that day, she was on her way to her secret spot by the side of the river when she saw a group of scary-looking men walking towards the campsites. Her memory blanked after that and the next she knew, she was waking up in a canoe with Nedley nudging her shoulder. She wasn’t much of a help with the investigation even though she was the sole survivor because she couldn’t remember much at all. The officers at the time didn’t think too much of it as they attributed the memory loss to the trauma she just experienced. She does remember the feeling she felt when they told her father, which was her only living family member, had died in the massacre. She remembers feeling waves of panic followed by a sense of relief. She knew she was supposed to feel sad because her father died, but she wasn’t sad and she didn’t cry, no matter how hard she tried to tell the tears to flow.  
Nicole remembers telling the officers Waverly’s name when they asked her if she had anyone to stay with. Nicole had mostly kept to herself growing up so she didn’t have any close friends growing up. But with Waverly, it is as if they were meant to be friends and she has already felt more happiness in the past year than in her entire life. 

She remembers Waverly and Wynonna showing up in the police station and Waverly immediately pulled Nicole into a tight hug and whispered “I’m sorry” in Nicole’s ears. Because Wynonna was already over 18 at the time so she was able to sign on as Nicole’s legal guardian. Nicole felt like she was able to breathe for the first time, and when she thought about the life ahead of her, her tears finally came out. Everyone thought she was mourning her father, but only she knew, these were happy tears as she finally reached that brightness at the end of the dark abyss that she grew up in. 

That night, she slept on the mattress that Wynonna had set up in Waverly’s bedroom. She felt peace and felt that she was finally home. She thought she was ready to say goodbye to her dark past. But as soon as she fell asleep, she knew the past wasn’t easy to escape at all. 

She was floating in her dream above their tent at the festival. She saw herself exiting the tent and walking toward the river when a group of men dressed in long robes appeared at the edge of the forest. She saw herself looking back and forth at the tent where she knew her father was sleeping in and the men that were walking toward the campsite with weapons and then, as if she made a decision, she saw herself slipping into the side and toward the river. Before she could process this information, the dream distorted and turned into a ghostly face with her father’s features screaming _“You killed me!”_ in the dark as she woke up with a scream. 

She remembers when Waverly tried to touch her to calm her down she slapped Waverly’s hand away with the force that almost scared her. She remembers seeing confusion and hurt in Waverly’s eyes and feeling a rush of anxiety that nearly overwhelmed her. She remembers repeating “I’m sorry” like a chant. They went back to their beds shortly after that with Waverly not saying a word. Waverly acted like nothing was wrong the second morning, but she didn’t tell Nicole that when Nicole first woke up, she was just staring straight at her with a look that made her bone chill. 

The next day, when Nicole was writing in her journal, she remembered what happened last night again. 

[Dear Mother:  
I can’t seem to overcome all the darkness, and I can’t seem to make peace with my past.  
Yesterday, I accidentally hurt Waverly when I woke up from my nightmare. I couldn’t control my action and I could see the hurt and fear in her eyes. Waverly has been nothing but nice to me and she took me in even though I am broken to pieces. But if I can’t even control myself to not hurt her, what good am I going to bring to her life? You know I didn’t mean to hurt her, just like I didn’t mean to kill you, but I don’t know what to do.  
I don’t know how to forget and I don’t know how to heal.  
I didn’t even feel sad when my father died, so am I broken beyond repair? Am I truly the devil like he said?]

* * *

Nicole’s nightmares were not the only things that she had to drag out from her dark past. Ever since she was like 5 years old, she has a very intense case of nyctophobia, which is the fear of darkness. At the beginning, she would scream or cry when she was in a dark environment, but as she soon learned this behaviour would lead to more insults and beating from her father. She conditioned herself to not do anything when she was left in the dark. She would curve herself into the fetal position in the corner of the room and just let the waves of anxiety attacks attack her. When she finally saw brightness again, her clothes would be totally soaked and she would be hyperventilating. 

Waverly noticed Nicole’s sleeping problems pretty soon after she moved into her bedroom. Some nights Nicole would wake up screaming; some nights Nicole would just be breathing heavily and the next morning Waverly would notice the soaked sheets. It took a while to pry the answer from Nicole and she finally admitted she was afraid of the dark. Waverly wanted to make fun of her but when she saw the shame and embarrassment on Nicole’s face, she stopped the joke from slipping out.

After that, they would always leave a bedside light on at night so that Nicole would not have to face total darkness. But Waverly always noticed Nicole's tenseness at night. When she asked Nicole if she knew why she had such an intense fear for the darkness as she attempted to find a cure or a way to improve Nicole’s condition, Nicole just shook her head and refused to tell her. Nicole said she knew why, but she just didn’t want to tell Waverly. Instead, she just tried her best to adjust and kept training herself to face the darkness, one breath at a time.

“It’s OK, Waves. You don’t have to know why. If you try to save me from it, I would just drag you into the darkness, too. You just have to keep going forward. You don’t have to worry about me.” 14 years old Nicole said to Waverly with a smile that was almost as mature as an adult.

Later, when Waverly sneaked into Nicole’s stack of diaries, she saw an entry that caught her eyes.

[Dear Mother:  
Humans were made to love other things, no matter how broken they are.

I think despite how bad the world has treated me, I still love a lot of things. I love cats, I love the feeling of bathing in the sunlight, I especially love Waverly.

But I always worry my love would be too heavy and dark for others, so I always feel sorry for those that I love. I don’t want to hurt them with my love, but I never know if that is the case or not.

I saw a phrase the other day that touched me a lot. It said, “Because I have a light in my heart, so I am no longer afraid of the darkness.” I have struggled with darkness my entire life to the point I thought I would have to live in it for the rest of my life.

But mother, even though Waverly also had to live through cold and dark nights, she has a light that cannot be touched by all the darkness and pain in this world. When I am close to her, I can feel the darkness draining out and replaced by her light.

I suddenly have hope now. 

I believe that Waverly is the cure that I never thought existed.]

And as time has proved, Waverly, with her bubbly personality and her warmth, did cure Nicole as smiles and laughters found their way back to Nicole’s face. Year after year, Nicole was able to slowly adjust to the darkness at night and eventually, her anxiety attacks stopped coming even when she was alone in total darkness. Because Nicole knew, no matter where she is, Waverly is always not too far away. Waverly became that light in her heart that made her no longer afraid of the darkness.

But the light is gone now. Nicole stands on the balcony of her apartment as she stares into the darkness. She feels the familiar feeling of anxiety attack slowly creeping back into her heart. Suddenly, she is that 14 years old scared teenager with no support system again. She forces herself to walk back to her bedroom, not having enough energy to even close the balcony door, and she curls into that familiar fetal position in the corner of her bedroom as she waits for the anxiety attacks to happen. 

Nicole is alone and scared in the dark, once again.


	5. Flying then Falling

Chapter 5  
Nicole dreams about flying all the time. She has always had an obsession with the eagles. So in her dreams, she is often an eagle soaring through the sky. Tonight, the sky is soaked in a red that stings Nicole’s eyes. She can vaguely see Waverly’s face in the horizon so she tries her best to fly closer to her. She can see that Waverly is crying as she feels waves of sadness and anxiety crushing her. But just as she tries to reach forward and wipe the tears off of Waverly’s face, she feels a sharp pain, like a razor-sharp blade is cutting through her. She feels herself screaming and falling and the image of Waverly floating further and further away. When she looks back toward the ground that is fast approaching, she sees a pair of blood-shot eyes staring at her with anger and fear. 

That is when Nicole wakes up all soaked in sweat. She is no longer in the corner of the room like she remembered, instead, she is in her bed in her pajamas. She looks at herself with confusion but decides to ignore the unsettling feeling in her heart. She must have sleep-walked or something. As her senses slowly come back to her, she feels aches and pain starts to form in every part of her body. And she hisses at the sharp pain on the side of her cheek. She looks at the clock on her bedside table and it reads “4:00AM”. Nicole stands up and walks toward the bathroom. 

What she sees in the mirror does surprise her. There is a fresh cut on her right cheek and there is still blood oozing out of the wound; and on her body, she found at least 7 or 8 bruises and she can feel more that are forming under her skin. _Where was she yesterday? Where did these bruises come from?_ But nothing comes back into her mind and the more she tries to remember, the worse her headache is. The ache of her body plus this raging headache urges Nicole to crash back to her bed so she simply grabs a bandaid from her drawer to cover up the cut on her face and goes back to sleep.

Nedley’s phone call wakes Nicole up approximately 4 hours later. She picks the phone up as she prepares to get dressed.

“Hey Nicole. I need you to come to the station for something. I know you have the appointment with Sam soon, so do you think you can drop by my office before that?”

“Yeah, sure. Is something wrong?”

“Uhm… not really. I just need to ask you about something.” There is something in Nedley’s voice that Nicole can’t decode, but Nicole decides to not overthink it. 

“Ok, no problem. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

Nicole hangs up the phone and walks to the bathroom to check the cut on her face. The wound has almost dried up now so Nicole takes the old bandaid off and puts on a new one. She looks at the bruises on her arms and legs that stand out significantly against her pale skin and hisses when she presses down on one of them. But somehow, Nicole enjoys the pain, it is a sharp contrast to the numb mental state that she is constantly in after Waverly disappeared. She puts on her hoodie and legging and heads out to her living room.

The same breakfast is laid out in the kitchen with fresh forget-me-nots in the vase that sits in the middle of the dining table. These were Waverly’s favorite flowers because she always says the flowers have the most beautiful shade of blue, plus Waverly is a sucker for things like flower symbolisms. Forget-me-not symbolizes the type of love that is true and forever, just like the love between Nicole and Waverly. So whenever Nicole sees them in the shop, she would always buy them for Waverly as gifts. But with Waverly gone, Nicole isn’t sure if she is happy or sad to see these flowers appear in her apartment again. But nonetheless, she is still thankful that Wynonna is taking care of her in secret _(because who else would know everything that Waverly likes?)_

The doorbell stops Nicole’s train of thought and she looks at the intercom to see Jeremy’s face on the screen. She hasn’t seen him since Waverly’s disappearance which is not strange because out of the two of them, Jeremy has always been closer with Waverly. But Nicole is still happy to see him nonetheless. She buzzes him up and greets him at the door.

“Hey Nicole, uhm… how’s it going?” Jeremy almost seems nervous.

“You know, just doing the best I can to get through each day.”

“That’s good to hear…” Jeremy scratches his head and hands Nicole the plastic bag that he is holding, “I was cleaning the office the other day because with Wynonna no longer on the hunt for revenants and Waverly gone, no one is really using it anymore. And I saw Waverly left her personal phone and some of her other stuff in there so I thought she would want you to have it. So here I am, giving them to you.” Jeremy is fidgeting again.

“Thanks Jeremy.” Nicole takes the bag and smiles at him.

Jeremy nods awkwardly and smiles, “well, I have something that I have to attend to at the lab. Uhm… Take care, Nicole.”

After Jeremy leaves, Nicole turns on Waverly’s phone. The lock screen is a photo that Wynonna took of them when they were just chilling on the staircases in homestead. The bright smiles on their faces sting Nicole’s eyes as she feels her eyes start to water. She takes a deep breath and unlocks the phone with the code 900115------Nicole’s birthday. There were not really any secrets between the two of them, so they both knew the pass codes to each other’s phones. 

The photo album on the phone is packed with their precious memories: from Waverly’s sweet sixteen party, to their road trip across Canada when they graduated college, to random photos of Nicole sleeping that Waverly took. Waverly made sure she transferred all the old photos to the new phone whenever she got a new phone. 

Nicole used to hate physical contacts, for a long time, she would tense up at any sort of physical contact. But she always made an exception for Waverly. The touch of Waverly’s hand has been Nicole’s safe place since they knew each other. Whenever Nicole is afraid or nervous, the warm touch of Waverly’s palm can always calm her down.

Nicole still vividly remembers the first time they held hands in public and the time they held each other's hands in front of Wynonna and the knowing and loving look they received. Waverly may be the younger one of the pair, but Nicole always believes she is also the braver one. She took Nicole’s hand when Nicole was a vulnerable mess that is too afraid to face anything. 

The reminder on Nicole’s phone brings her back to the present. She wipes away the tears that have unconsciously streamed down her face and leaves her apartment.

* * *

Nicole finds Nedley in his office with a serious look that she has never seen before.

“Nicole, Champ is unconscious in the hospital right now. His house was broken into last night and someone beat him half to death.”

Nedley notices the flash of surprise that goes through Nicole’s eyes.

“Champ? Well, can’t say that I feel sorry for him. Probably someone he pissed off in a bar bet looking for revenge.” Nicole shrugs. 

“The method fits our vigilante’s past strikes. It was efficient and clean. There is no prints or DNA evidence at the scene. But it does break the vigilante’s pattern. The vigilante has only interfered with active crimes. Champ wasn’t doing anything illegal and judging by the amount of violence, I’d say it was personal for the perp.” 

Nicole frowns and unconsciously touches the band aid on her face. 

“What happened to your face?” Nedley asks.

“I don’t know. Probably got cut by something. I don’t exactly remember.”

“Well, Nicole. You know this is nothing personal, but where were you last night?”

“Excuse me? You think I did it?”

“I know your skills, Nicole. I know you are capable of causing that much damage and not leave anything behind. And with Champ’s history with Waverly, you know that I have to suspect that you have something to do with it.”

“Nedley, I am a police officer. You have known me almost my whole life. How can you suspect something like this?”Nicole’s voice is cold as ice, and Nedley almost flinched at the anger in her voice, “but I was home last night. So I guess no one can vouch for me now that Waverly’s gone.”

“Nicole, you know this is not personal. And you know I hope to God that it wasn’t you. But I am also the sheriff of this town and Champ, no matter what a punk he is, is still a part of this town. Assault is a felony, Nicole. I hope you can prove that it wasn’t you. But until then, you are suspended.”

Nicole stands there in disbelief. They stared at each other for what feels like an eternity. After that, Nicole shakes her head and leaves the office without saying a word.


	6. Who hurted you?

Chapter 6

“Nicole, glad to see you… 10 minutes before our appointment!” Dr. Hoffman is her usual smiley self as she stands up to greet Nicole.

“Yeah, I had to come to the station for some other things earlier and I have nothing else to do so I thought I might as well come here early.” Nicole replies with a polite smile, but her brows are still furrowed from her earlier conversation with Nedley.

“Dr. Hoffman…”Nicole is a bit unsure how to say this.

“Sam, please. I prefer my patients to be on a first-name basis with me. Helps with the connection.” Dr. Hoffman interrupts Nicole.

“Right… Sam, I have some questions. It seems like something happened in my dreams, but my memory of it is not continuous and I just have parts of it flashing out of nowhere.” Nicole sighs, “It is as if I am losing chunks of time.”

“Hmmm… this is not uncommon among PTSD patients because your mind might be trying to protect you from all the trauma and emotions. But to be sure, do you mind if we try out hypnotherapy? It might help you remember.”

Nicole is a bit reluctant but she thinks about what Nedley said to her earlier. Maybe running away and denial is not the best course of action. So after a while, Nicole nods and agrees.

She lies down on the sofa and closes her eyes as Sam suggested. Nicole takes a deep breath and starts focusing on Sam’s voice, soon after, she feels waves of tiredness crash against her as she slowly enters the world of her subconscious. 

_Nicole is walking down a dark street, but somehow she is not feeling any anxiety or fear. She hears a bird’s shriek next to her. She looks to her right and sees the eagle that often appears in her dreams staring at her on the fence next to her. She can sense anger and coldness in the eagle’s eyes. When she looks beyond the eagle, she recognizes the house in front of her. It is Champ’s house. She remembers coming here as a teenager to pick Waverly up from a party. But before she can think deeper about why she is in front of this house, the eagle flies away and a piercing headache hits her. It is as if a lightning bulb lit up in an abyss that is filled with pure darkness and Nicole feels something unlock deep in her soul and the memories are rushing out._

_What has she locked away? Who accidentally opened Pandora's box?_

_The white house on the edge of Purgatory is where Nicole grew up. Her father never bothered to get new furniture or take care of the garden since her mother passed away, so the neighbors always kept their distance and Nicole was pitied but no one interfered._

_Her dad’s furious face appeared at Nicole’s bedroom and Nicole can smell the alcohol on him from a mile away. She remembers the terrified feeling whenever she saw this. Alcohol only fueled more anger into her already angry father._

_Flickering light bulb; glassware falling to the ground; and Nicole’s shivering body._

_“You took her away from me! How dare you! I would trade you for her anytime!”_

_“I buy you clothes, I buy the food that you eat, you will forever be in my debt, remember?”_

_“For god’s sakes, stop with the crying! You are pathetic and weak!”_

_The insults hit young Nicole’s body like rocks, along with the actual beating that she was experiencing, all young Nicole could do was close her eyes and pray that one day this would end. Nicole can still feel her own panic and the unbearable pain even now._

_Did all of her memories come back? What is left under all that pain and misery?_

_When Nicole opens her eyes again, young Waverly’s face shows up in front her. She shoved the rabbit doll that she was holding into Nicole’s lap and sat down next to Nicole who couldn’t stop crying or shivering._

_“My sister gave me this rabbit. She said it has magic powers. When you hold it tight, all of your sadness would fly away. So you will feel better soon.”_

_Young Nicole looked suspiciously at the girl. Of course she knew who she was, no one in Purgatory did not know the Earp girls and what happened in their house. But this was the first time Nicole had seen Waverly face to face. She thought after what Waverly went through, she would be as broken as she was. But the girl in front of her radiated happiness and had an angelic smile. Nicole didn’t know what to do, but she did hold the rabbit closer to her._

_Waverly smiled again. “My name is Waverly, what is yours?”_

_Nicole let out a small smile and replied, “Nicole.”_

_Their story started right then._

Just as Nicole is about to smile, the whole world starts shaking and spinning, and Nicole wakes up with a scream.

Sam is looking at her frowning when Nicole sits up. She hands Nicole a cup of water and asks, “So, did the memory come back?”

“Not really. I still can’t connect all the missing dots.”

“But you seemed to be very anxious just now. Did you remember something else?”

“Just some memories from my childhood. I thought I had finally moved on after I met Waverly. I thought I had finally forgotten what I went through as a kid. But I guess memories just never really go away, huh?” Nicole lets out a bitter smile and lies back onto the couch.

“It’s ok… Time will…”Sam tries to comfort Nicole by placing her hand on her shoulder, but as soon as she does so, Nicole shoots up from the couch and jumps away. 

“Don’t touch me!” There is a coldness in Nicole’s voice that almost freightens Sam but she quickly retracts her hands and apologizes. Nicole clearly did it subconsciously because when she realizes what has just happened, she smiles apologetically to Sam,  
“Sorry… I get jumpy when other people touch me. I have improved a lot since I met Waverly, but I don’t know what happened just now. I’m so sorry and I hope I didn’t offend you.”

“No worries, Nicole. I never said the recovery is going to be easy and painless. You still have a long way ahead of you. And I am glad that you are slowly opening up to me. I also want to say that no matter what questions you have or if you simply need a friend to listen to you, I am always here to help. Also, you can’t rush yourself. Just take it one step at a time.”

Nicole smiles back. It is nice to know that there are still people that are on her side despite everything that happened. She says goodbye to Sam and leaves the appointment.  
_  
_

* * *

_  
[Dear mother:  
I’ve been feeling down lately, like there is a dark cloud that is constantly hovering over me. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what is the best way to move forward.  
Mother, I realized I am different.  
I think I fell in love with Waverly, the girl that took me in like a sister. Is this wrong? Would I hurt her if she finds out? Is it even possible that she feels the same way?  
I know many people would view this as sick and abnormal. But how can I change how I feel?  
Mother, if you can hear me, please give me guidance.]_

Nicole developed feelings for Waverly when they just went into high school. She didn’t know what exactly love was at that time, but despite her young age, she knew that Waverly was like the whole world and she would give up anything for her. After Nicole read a few romantic novels and watched a couple of movies, she gave herself a diagnosis: she is romantically attracted to Waverly. This information made Nicole panic as she didn’t know if this was normal or if she was just overly attached to Waverly. So she just kept the information to herself and stayed as a protector role around Waverly. It wasn’t until a long time had passed before Nicole realized the feeling was mutual. 

There was one incident that happened in sophmore year that was especially memorable. Teenage boys always tend to be more open and premature about topics like love and sex. So the balance between girls and boys in high school was always a bit off. In the beginning of their sophomore year, the teacher, in an attempt to help out the more troubling kids in class, came up with a seating plan. She put Champ, who was the most naughty kid in their class beside Waverly, who was just all around one of the best students. All the other boys likes to enjoy the occasional pranks on the girls in the class, but not Waverly. With Nicole always hovering over like a body guard and with Wynonna’s reputation around purgatory, most boys know to keep their distance.

But Champ was different. He broke rules for fun and treated any types of authorities with the utmost disrespect. Somehow, he saw the protection around Waverly Earp as a challenge. It started with the simple messing with Waverly’s hair to “accidentally” knocking Waverly’s things off of her desk and later escalated to touching Waverly’s arms and legs without her consent. Nicole never knew if it was just childish pranks, or if Champ was up to something more malicious, but she was unhappy nonetheless.

Waverly, on the other hand, was just scared all the time. As an honor roll student, she was never treated like this. She tried to fight back by pushing him away, or hitting him with her notebooks, but Champ just laughed at her creepily and came up with more inappropriate pranks. When Waverly tried to bring the teacher’s attention to it, she dismissed her request to change seats and said “it’s just innocent pranks” and that Waverly should just get over it. 

Nicole remembers Waverly coming to her room afterwards and crying it out in her lap. Nicole felt so angry that her nails left blood marks in her palms. She felt something snap inside her and she knew she had to do something about it. 

The next morning Nicole was called into the teacher’s office because all of Champ’s notebooks and textbooks were torn apart and everything in his locker was soaked with milk. Nicole of course denied any of these allegations because she insisted she was in the Earp homestead the entire last night. But no one really believed her because she was the only one with the motive and the gut to carry these actions out. In the teacher’s eyes, Nicole was that poor student with a sad backstory and an unstable tamper. So eventually, Wynonna was called to the school since she was the legal guardian of Nicole at the time. 

Of course, Nicole didn’t get reprimanded by Wynonna, instead, she praised her behaviour and said she did a good job of protecting her sister. But Nicole never told Wynonna that she did, in fact, not remember doing any of these things and she was probably taking credit for someone else’s work. 

Waverly hugged and thanked her for her chivalry later that day and it made Nicole dismiss the alarming fact that she didn’t remember doing any of the things that others had said she did. 

The things that happened to Champ, no matter who did it, did stop him from further harassing Waverly and the teacher agreed that the seating plan was not a good idea and Nicole and Waverly were back sitting together shortly afterwards. 

This incident, however, did start the feud between Nicole and Champ since he genuinely believes that it was Nicole’s fault that all his belongings were damaged. Hence it wasn’t a surprise to Nicole when she was considered to be the top suspect when Champ winded in a hospital bed. But considering the recent events, plus her fractured memories, it made Nicole start to question that incident again. 

Was it really her that did all those violent things?

Was it really her that beat Champ half to death in the middle of the night?

Nicole stares at her reflection in the mirror and she sees something dark and cold staring back at her. 

It is as if something dark is about to break through and consume her.


	7. Unanswered questions

Chapter 7

[Dear Mother:

Waverly asked me about why I am always scared of the dark. I didn’t tell her, because I know the truth would only give her more pain. But I thought I should tell you here, since you are probably wondering about why your daughter, who has always dreamt of being a police officer, is so weak in the dark. 

It really is quite a simple story, and maybe you would laugh at my weakness. 

On my fifth birthday, father was more drunk than usual. It wasn’t unusual, my birthday was always a trigger for him. I was extra cautious that day but I think I still somehow made him mad, or maybe, he was just mad that I was there instead of you. I remember curling into a ball as his fists landed on my body; I remember crying and screaming but knowing deep in my heart that no one was going to rescue me. 

I had become acquainted with his anger by then. To some degree, I could feel a bit of empathy for him because I understand his pain, but I would never forgive him for what he did. But I guess he did pay for what he did through his death… So I guess I should be able to move on from him, right?

Anyways, he must have grown tired after the beating, so he just stuffed me into the closet and locked the door from the outside. It was pure darkness in there with a stale smell that still lingered under my nose even now. I tried to widen my eyes to adjust to the darkness but I couldn’t find a way out. I eventually passed out from hunger and tiredness and by the time I woke, it was two days later. Apparently father forgot I was in the closet until a day later and when he finally opened the door, I had been dehydrated and couldn’t move at all.

I remember opening eyes and seeing him by my side and feeling pure hatred and anger in my heart. I felt something changed within me. That day must have left a much deeper imprint than I could have imagined because the next time I was in the darkness, my anxiety attacks started. And for I don’t know how long, the darkness continued to haunt me every single night.

This is how I got my Nyctophobia. I hope you don’t laugh at my story, because you know if I had any saying in it, I would want to be the bravest person in the world. For you, and for Waverly.] 

Nicole is dreaming again. This time, she is hovering around her own apartment as the eagle, once again. She stops on the window still and peaks inside. She is shocked at what she is seeing. She sees herself busy preparing breakfast, and from what she can tell, she is making vegan pancakes with Waverly’s favorite brand of pancake mix. Then, she sees Waverly, looking happy and more importantly, real, walking out from the bedroom. Her hair is still disheveled so she must have just woken up. Nicole stares at Waverly, she can almost feel the tears start forming in her eyes. She sees Waverly sneaking behind Nicole, who is seemingly unaware of her, and gives Nicole a tight back hug as she plants kisses on Nicole’s necks. Nicole turns around as if she is not surprised to see Waverly at all and smiles,

“Morning, Baby.”

“Morning, Nicky.” Nicky was the name that only Waverly uses and hearing it again makes Nicole’s heart melt, “Are you making my favorite breakfast again? Oh my god, you are the best!” 

Nicole wakes up then. She is hit with the harsh reality once again. Empty bed, empty bedroom and a world without Waverly in it. She lies in bed, refusing to get up. Sometimes she just wishes that she could live in her dream, because in her dreams, Waverly is still there and in her dreams, they can still go on, as a happy couple. Nicole doesn’t know if that would just be better than living alone in this cruel world. 

The harsh knocking of her front door forces Nicole out of the bed. She notices there is breakfast ready on the table, vegan pancakes. She furrows her brows for a second at the coincidence between her dream and the real world but decides to dismiss it as just a coincidence. She unlocks the door and sees Wynonna standing in the hallway.

“Did you finally decide to double back and claim credit for making me breakfast every single day?” Nicole jokes.

“What?” Wynonna seems genuinely confused about Nicole’s implications.

“Ummm… are you telling me it wasn’t you that made vegan pancakes for me this morning and for like the past week?” Nicole feels like she is about to go crazy.

“Ummm… no…. Even if I decided to get up early every morning to come and make you breakfast, it wouldn’t be vegan pancakes, ok? That shit is disgusting.”

“Well then who the hell is making me breakfast every single day??” Nicole looks like she has seen a ghost.

Wynonna shrugs and pushes Nicole out of the way and goes into the apartment. “Beats me. Maybe you have a secret guardian angel or something.” Wynonna stands in front of the dining table and inspects the pancakes, “but these do look very delicious.”

Nicole is standing frozen at the door. _So if Wynonna wasn't the one making the breakfast, who was? Why was her dream coinciding with the real world? What is truly happening in the moments that she can’t seem to remember? What is happening to her?_ Nicole’s head is spinning with questions as she can’t seem to answer any of them. Maybe it’s time to see Sam again.

“Hello, Earth to Nicole!” Wynonna’s voice pulls Nicole back from her thoughts. Nicole snaps her attention back to Wynonna and tries to dismiss the uneasy feelings in her mind.

“Yeah, sorry. There’s just some weird things going on. I don’t know if you heard about Champ and the whole drama but I just feel like I’m losing control or something.” Nicole lets an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, I heard. That’s why I wanted to check on you. You know that no matter what happens, I am on your side. I mean, trauma makes your mind do crazy things… I was really lost after Dolls died, too… it’s a process, so just hold on, Nicole.” Wynonna looks sincerely at Nicole, “I made a copy of that family album we had back in the homestead. Maybe looking at these photos and reminding yourself of the happy days would be beneficial to you.” 

Nicole takes the album from Wynonna’s hand. On the cover is a photo of the three of them standing in front of the gate to Canada’s Wonderland. That was the first time they left Purgatory. They had finally made enough money for a small family vacation and Waverly had always had a thing for roller coasters so they decided to go to Toronto for a week.

Nicole remembers Waverly’s excited face going into the gigantic amusement park. Nicole has never seen roller coasters that big before and everything just seemed so exciting to her. Nicole was not a big fan of adrenaline rushes and big drops, but Waverly’s pleading eyes and excited smile made her give in as Waverly dragged her to the biggest rollercoaster in the park.

On the way down, Nicole gripped Waverly’s hand as she screamed as loud as she could. She was letting go of all the fear, pain, and anxiety and she felt free on the roller coaster. She looked at Waverly beside her, who was laughing and screaming with her, and felt true happiness. Nicole gave Waverly a genuine smile when they came off of the rollercoaster and Waverly hugged her, “Nicky, I love your smile!”

Her tone was light but warm, and Nicole thinks there is not going to be anything more beautiful than that moment.

Wynonna bought them cotton candy after and seeing how Waverly was treating it as the most delicious food in the world, Nicole promptly gave her cotton candy to Waverly after Waverly finished hers. 

Wynonna laughed at the smitten Nicole and said, “You are spoiling her, Nicole.”

Waverly grabbed Nicole’s hand and proudly defended her, “Well, you are just jealous that Nicole likes me more than you.”

Nicole blushed at the comment and smiled at the two sisters.

She understood the reason why family is known as the most powerful and valuable entity that day as she felt, for the first time, that she belonged somewhere and that she was loved by two of the best people in the world.

So how can Nicole not fall in love with Waverly? She is her sun and she is the proof that the world is not such a bad place after all.

Nicole wipes the tears from her face as she thanks Wynonna for the gift. There is some silence as both women reflect on the happy days and the happiness that they both were so sure would be there until the end of the time.

“But I gotta ask,” Wynonna is the one that breaks the silence, “did you do that to Champ? No matter what the truth is, I would always be on your side. Personally I think that punk kind of deserved it, you know. But I hope that you can feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth so I can help you.”

Nicole is still silent. She doesn’t know the truth anymore and she doesn’t know what is going on. She lets out a sigh and says, “I don’t know, Wynonna. I can’t seem to remember where I was when that happened and there are just so many weird things happening and I don’t know anymore. It is like I am losing touch with reality…. You remember how I was when I first came to the homestead, right? What if I am that person again? What if violence really never left me and I am that horrible person again?”

Wynonna pulls her into a tight hug again. There is a mirror behind her in the corner of the living room and when Nicole stares at it hard enough, she can feel the image of herself distorting in Wynonna’s arms and she sees her own face with a crooked smile. It is as if it’s taunting her and saying: _See? I did what you always wanted to do when you are too weak to do anything. It was what you always wanted, wasn’t it?_

Nicole wants to scream that “no, that is not how justice works!” but nothing comes out. 

Maybe, just maybe, deep down, she is just tired of this unfair world and tired of the so called unbiased justice. How is it fair that a punk like Champ gets to live in peace while her Waverly has to be taken away from her?

But for now, she just chooses to close her eyes and soak in Wynonna’s hug and let her life stay uncomplicated, at least for a while.


	8. Split

Chapter 8  
Dr. Samantha Hoffman knocks open Nedley’s door first thing in the morning. He looks more tired than usual with open case files splashed all over the desk. He greets Samantha with a tired smile.

“Hey Sam, what brings you down to my office?”

“I want to talk to you about Nicole. I heard what happened with Champ and I think there are some red flags in our sessions that I would like to talk to you about.”

“Oh, yeah, sure… that case has been keeping me up at night because we still don’t have a solid suspect. As much as I want to believe that Nicole had nothing to do with it, there are just details of this case that directly points at her. So I don’t know…”

“That’s what I want to talk to you about. I know there is doctor-patient confidentiality between me and Nicole, but I think this warrants some extra attention because I think she is going to be a danger to either herself, or to others. I know you and the Earps go way back, so I’m wondering if you know anything about Nicole before she went and lived with the Earps?”

“Not really… I know her dad is a drunk and she was born in purgatory, but that’s about it. The Haught family mostly kept to themselves. Her father was from out of town but I knew her mother because we went to Purgatory High together, too bad she never got to see Nicole grow up.” Nedley sighs at the mention of Nicole’s mother.

“Yeah, I figured… I did a little bit of a background check on her using the precinct’s system. And I have to say, what I saw on her file explained a lot of things.” Samantha drops a file on Nedley’s desk and watches him as he opens the file.

“So you are right. Nicole was born in Purgatory in 1990 and her mother died because of birth complications and she was left in the custody of her father.” Sam points at the first page of the file, “her father was from Toronto. So a big city kid. He seemed to be pretty well put together when he first married Nicole’s mother but I digged around a bit and saw that he had a sealed juvenile record for assault. So I believe to say he has some issues with violence is an understatement.”

“That matches what I know. Basically, everyone just lost touch with the Haught family once Nicole’s mother passed away. But I have heard there are rumors saying that people would hear screaming and crying coming from the house. Wish we could have interfered sooner but people were scared of her father, so no one reported anything. I always felt bad for the kid, so I was even sort of glad when his father got killed in that massacre.”

Samatha nods and flips the file to another page, “Another thing that caught my eye was this photo. It was taken right after she got rescued from the massacre site. She wasn’t the subject of the photo but you can see her in the background. And look at her expression, tell me if you think there is anything weird about it.”

Nedley picks up the photo and squints at it. It’s an evidence photo taken at the scene. Nicole only occupies a small area of the photo, but she is pretty noticeable. She is staring at the space right in front of her, creating an illusion that she is staring right at the camera. And when you look closer at her facial expression… “Wait, is she smiling?”

“Yeah.”Samantha nods, “that’s what I want to talk to you about. Her smile in this photo seems really out of place and just unsettling in general. According to the notes from the officer, she was really sensitive to everything at that time. And mostly she just sat in the corner of the police station, not making a sound, and with her face buried in her knees. Apparently she would scream and even try to hurt people when someone tries to touch her or even be closer to her.”

Nedley sighs and doesn’t say anything. 

“There’s more.” Sam says, “they later were able to perform a full body examination of her after Waverly and Wynonna showed up. There were bruises and scars all over her body, both old and new. So she was definitely a victim of domestic abuse.”

Nedley looks up and sighs again, “I remember seeing her at the massacre scene and she just seemed lost at the time. She claimed she didn’t remember anything from the massacre and I believed her. Later, Wynonna told me that she had a pretty severe case of nyctophobia and she would sometimes have violent outbursts when she first moved into the Earp homestead. I just attributed that to her PTSD from the massacre, but now… I don’t know if there’s something more under the surface.”

Nedley wasn’t close to Nicole until she went to the Police Academy. When he saw Nicole at the enrollment ceremony, Nicole had changed drastically. She was no longer the timid and scared little girl that he remembered from all those years ago, instead, she has grown into someone who was confident and had an optimistic outlook on almost everything. He remembers talking to her and being impressed at the girl’s wits and kindness. And he remembers thinking how much the Earps had helped this girl who was once lost. He also remembers seeing Waverly always by Nicole’s side and vice versa. He remembers watching the girls fall in love from afar and believed that was the purest form of happiness. He remembers thinking that God had finally opened his eyes and allowed the girl to be happy, despite her dark past. 

He then remembers how lost Nicole is right now without Waverly. He sighs and curses God for not allowing a fairytale ending for that girl who has been through hell.

“I don’t know if you took psychology courses in the academy.” Samantha’s voice pulls Nedley back from his thoughts, “But childhood trauma is the leading cause for Dissociative Identity disorder.”

Nedley looks up in shock, “Are you suspecting Nicole has multiple personalities?”

“I’m not suspecting. I can almost confirm that she does.” Sam takes a deep breath and points at the evidence photo with Nicole’s face in the background, “because I have seen that smile with my own eyes.”

* * *

Yesterday was their second hypnosis session together.

“You seemed to react pretty negatively to hypnosis last time. Are you sure you want me to continue?” Sam looked at Nicole with concerned eyes.

“Yeah. I need to know what the missing memories are. I can’t live like this anymore not knowing if I am fully in control or not.” Nicole sounded determined.

Sam nodded and proceeded with the hypnosis. 

It was barely five minutes when Nicole’s expression changed and her whole body started to tremble. Sam was just about to interrupt the hypnosis when Nicole opened her eyes. She looked almost confused for like a couple seconds before her eyes focused on Sam.

Sam has seen a lot of different looks in the past, but she has never seen anything like Nicole’s look that day: it was cold and determined, like an eagle’s eyes. She stood up and stared down at Sam like she was some kind of prey.

She didn’t say anything as she turned around and headed for the door. Samantha could recognize the gait was a bit different than Nicole’s .

“Nicole, where are you going?” Sam finally asked.

“Nicole” stopped in her tracks and looked back at Sam. She put on a cunning smile, just like in that photo, and waved before disappearing into the hallway.

Sam was frozen in her spot for a long time after that and when she came to, she could feel cold sweat dripping down her back.

_If Nicole has DID, then a lot of it would make sense._ She thought to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to these who guessed the DID aspect before this chapter:) But I promise that is just the top layer and there are many more layers and surprises to come! Thanks for the kudos and support for this fic!! Like I said, it's my first time posting here, so keep the comments coming so I know how to improve!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in AO3, so please leave lots of comments for me to improve my writing! If you happen to like it, please leave kudos cuz who doesn't need some validation in quarantine and this time of crisis??
> 
> Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster:)


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